Strong, Like a Shot of Whiskey

This story starts just like any other: I was thirteen and my first boyfriend broke up with me, because I “came on too strong.” Tears rolled down my hot, red, cheeks, as my mother consoled me and explained, that one day, some man would love this quality in me — Just how my father had with her. Naturally, thirteen year-old me, cried harder, because, well, isn’t that what mothers are supposed to say?

***

Over the past year, I’ve had to deal with not one, but two, pretty significant and life altering break-up’s. Both the men and the situations taught me a great deal, but this isn’t about me bashing them — It’s about what I’ve learned along the way. I enjoy sharing “lessons learned” and this time around, I feel what I know now, should be shared with as many people as it can possibly reach and maybe, just maybe, I’ll help another young girl who’s crying in her bed, late at night, because she feels… well, for the lack of better words, worthless.

Not to toot my own horn, but I don’t know another way to say it: I was blessed with a pretty face, beautiful hair, big blue eyes, etc, etc..

  

That’s me on my first day of high school — 2004

As a teenager, I was friends with the boys, but never really attracted many of them. They always told me, my personality was “too much to handle.

To clarify their statements, I will admit, I’m very outspoken and energetic. Even when it comes to friends, I am a very passionate and caring person, so I guess, that scared certain (almost all) guys away. Even up until my early college days, I always felt that I was just a pretty face. I never felt that guys took me seriously and when they did, my “strong” personality scared them away.

Within the past year, I have had two of the best relationships in my life, end. The first, was a long-term. After almost five years of dating, I chose to break things off and I immediately jumped into relationship number two — which lasted for less than a year. In the second relationship, we went through a series of breakups, but in the end, he broke up with me. Both of these ended terribly. I spent hours, days, and weeks, crying over the guys who were, ironically, no longer part of my life. I analyzed old text messages, viewed old photos, watched sad Lifetime movies… You know, typical girl sh*t. Then, about 2 weeks ago, I got into a terrible car accident that changed my life.

  

I suffered traumatic injuries: A punctured lung, broken nose, fractured skull, as well as fractures in several parts of my face, including behind my eye, a concussion, and the worst — my brain was bleeding. I woke up three days after the accident and couldn’t recall a single thing. Actually, I still don’t know what caused me to lose control of the car that night, but it definitely changed my outlook on life, especially in regards to the recent breakups, which I had still been suffering through up until the night of the accident.

I realized that had I, God-forbid, not made it out of the hospital alive, I would’ve passed away with bad blood. As I said, things ended badly with both relationships and many things went left unsaid or things were said, but out of anger. I realized that first, I wanted to reach out to bother the guys, letting them know I was alright. I wanted to, at the least, try to form a friendship with them both. To my surprise, one came to visit me in the hospital and we had the chance to REALLY talk. Mind you, I was heavily medicated, but it was sweet of him to listen and visit me, before I had even asked!

Although it took something horrific, I learned that sometimes people come into your life not to stay, but to teach you lessons — With the two guys in my story, maybe they came into my life to teach me what I want and what I don’t want, who knows? It’s too early to tell. Yet, I know they both taught me a lot about myself.

I learned that I needed to respect myself. I found myself consistently doing things for their happiness and not mine, yet I refused to admit I wasn’t happy… because I wasn’t. I love making others happy. It’s something that makes me smile. Although, I never seemed to get that in return, so I found that I wasn’t happy, because I was not giving myself the level of respect that I needed.

Not too long ago, I read a cheesy quote before that said something like:

You’ll receive the type of love that you think you deserve.


I think the same is true with respect. You will get the level of respect that you believe you deserve. It’s all about how you carry yourself and actions will ALWAYS speak louder than words, especially when it comes to relationships.

I consistently felt like I was changing myself to be who, both guys wanted me to be: Quiet, submissive, passive, etc.. None of that is me. I come on “too strong” and honestly, I’d much rather be thought of that way than the other.

I realized I don’t want to change for anyone anymore. I want to be Taylor. I had always been confident in who I was, so why had I let two guys, who were no longer in my life, rob me of that? 

Because I couldn’t accept that things were over. 

I needed to let go.

When I woke up in that hospital bed I was overcome with happiness to be alive and that was enough for me. I didn’t need any guy to do that for me. I realized I was able to do it all on my own. I decide that each morning, when I wake up and each night, when I lay down to sleep. No longer, do I wake up crying or fall asleep with tears running down my face. I smile, because I made it through another day — one more day that I can say I was alive.

One of the guys has walked back into my life and we will always have a relationship. He is somebody I hold very dear to my heart and I’m glad we had the chance to grow closer again. I didn’t hold it against either of them, when I offered friendship, if their response was no. Just as I have to respect myself, I have to also respect others.

Even though it took this horrific accident to make me really understand what it means when people say, “life is too short,” it also made me come to the conclusion, I should never cut people out. I will always welcome an invitation from others, who are kind, to be friends. You can never have enough friends, because never know when you might lose one. As I explained earlier, my belief: People are put in our lives for plenty of reasons, so why not fill your life with as many friends as you can to have them teach you as much as humanly possibly — be that good or bad — It’s all a lesson to learn.

Recently, I have had not one, but two men, tell me how they love that I “come on strong” and they enjoy my passionate personality — even when it comes to friendship. It made me a little emotional to hear both of them say this, because I’ve waited since I was thirteen: When my mom told me, as I cried into her shoulder, some day, some man, will love this quality about me and look at that — Two men told me, just that, within the past week!

Mothers are always right.

Advertisements

COPY POSITIONING ….

20140219-173844.jpg
more where this comes from…

Really coca cola? No, I am not on coke! I don’t do drugs…

I know I can’t be the only one who thinks this is the worst positioning of copy from a huge corporation…

Then again…it was on 95 North heading into NE Philly… So maybe there was some strategy behind this …

Everybody has Something They Know Now….

20140202-005533.jpg

So put the iPhone or iPad away…

(#Apple has the best shit & I recently read a study that said people who use the #iPhone are viewed as more attractive 💁)

…go out,

meet some new people,

and learn some shit!

If you happen to remember your Saturday evening….

Psh, some of you are probably probably posting a “#selfie” of you and your #bestie or #bro right this second

SHARE WITH US!

WHAT HAPPENED

#FRIDAYNIGHT

AND

#SATURDAYNIGHT ??!!

I’m sure some of you have some wild stories & I know I want to hear them!

Share with us on @WhatIKnowNoww for Instagram and Twitter OR just click the button at the top of my page to take you there!

Remember you can always submit your own story at WhatIKnowNoww@gmail.com
If you think it is worthy of my time… (I’m taking 16 credits right now & involved with five million different things that I should’ve said no about in the first place. I work on limited time 24/7 & I don’t like to waste it. I don’t think that’s rude — it’s honest! I’m a busy fucking person) if there’s a problem with that….

“Middle finger to my haters, tell emmmm shut up, so if ya feel us lemme hear you say wuddddupppppp”

I will be following back, retweeting, & if yours is the best story I will be choosing a submission as a featured guest post for later on this week

So what did you know now

that you didn’t before this weekend?

I have a few things to share with all of you & we have a lot of catching up to do, but I’ll save that for later…believe me you don’t want to miss this one!

Get started,

Get creative,

Get it submitting!

#WhatIKnowNoww

#WhatIKnowNow

What I Know Now About the College Application Process…

What you should know about the college application process! I’ve been through this too many times to count over the past few years & this post shares some great tips!

I may add though: set all your personal social media to private. Admissions doesn’t need to know about the two wine coolers you chugged last weekend that got you “soooooooo wastedddddd.”

Just….don’t.

everythingyouneverknew

Hello fellow high schoolers, middle schoolers and late bloomers alike,

I’m here with a new series for y’all called: College Confusion Clarified (As you may have notice)

I’m here to help you, help yourself through the most confusing time ever. Whether you are in the time crunch of getting those app’s in by January (which is right around the corner so message me with any immediate help! info will be at the end!) or you still have some time, this series is for you!

Not to toot my own horn,  but I’m 4 for 4 in the application process! I’ve been accepted into Le Moyne, Saint Joseph’s, Fairfield and Mercyhurst, all with scholarships! *END BRAG SHESH*

This first post is going to be about the essay. The dreaded common app essay.

If you can, you will want to get it done as early as possible. But if you are…

View original post 592 more words

What I Know Now…Laws In America

I’ve had my share of “what I know now…” moments this but but,

Being that it is election week…

merica

I felt this entry was appropriate.

My boyfriend and I were heading up to school on a Friday night to study with one of my friends…

yes you read that right. I was studying…on a Friday.

ONLY because we had plans Saturday night and I wanted to have a good time “guilt-free”…

I had stopped at little corner store in town before we left and grabbed a few lollipops and an energy drink to give myself a severe sugar rush, so I could somehow manage to teach myself all 88 constellationswhich by the way is near close to impossible…incase you were wondering.

I started heading out of my town and I happen to glance in my rearview mirror

to see that there’s a police officer behind me…

Now…I don’t know about anyone else, but anytime a cop is following me I feel like I either have one of the following in my car:

a dead body

or

massive amounts of crack …

So, naturally I get nervous, but my boyfriend reassured me there was no way I was getting pulled over, because I had done NOTHING wrong.

The light turns green

…and the cops lights go on.

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

I grab my registration and insurance (the usual stuff they ask for) and wait for the officer to walk up to my car. At this point I’m convinced he must have seen how ridiculously good looking I was (considering he was riding my ass the whole time down the road)  and was pulling me over for my telephone number.

zoolander

The officer walks up to my window and starts his  small talk. Anyone under the age of twenty-five should know what I mean what I say this …

Officer: Hey how’s it goin’

Me: uh (awkward) alright I’m just about to go up to school to study…

Now, I guess I should’ve known that probably sounded shady, because what college student studies on a friday? I’ll tell you who…a college student who wants to get wasted Saturday and doesn’t want to spend all day doing homework on a Sunday hung-the-fuck-over.

We’ve all been there, done that, and it’s the equivalent to water torture. 

ANYWAY.

The officer asks if I have any warrants and of course I say no. I’ve never even had a traffic ticket. In my life. EVER. I was pretty positive he was going to write me a little warning with his number on the back with a wink face and a little message that says “call me”…

well, well well, that was not the case…

Small talk police officer struts back to my car and asks me to step out of the vehicle.

… LIKE WHAT?! STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE, FOR WHAT?!

Now at this point I’m thinking, “Shit, I must have a taillight out…”

Now pay attention because this is where things get even more shady

than sitting under an umbrella at the beach…

He brings me on the SIDE of his police car….

They are supposed to bring the person under question in front of the vehicle so that their little video camera can catch everything on tape.

The officer proceeds to tell me, not ASK ME, but tell me that my car smells like “weed”

…and what do I have to say about that?

question

I just stared at him for a second and said…

“you mean weed as in like something you pull out of your garden right?”

The officer did not find this funny. I mean that is a pretty objective statement. We all have different noses. Personally, I thought my car smelled like Burberry Britt (the best smelling perfume ever), but I digress…

Now this is where I need to make my disclaimer:

THERE WAS NO “WEED”, “POT”, “MARYJANE”, “GRASS”, “KUSH”, WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO CALL IT IN MY VEHICLE. 

As the conversation with the broken nosed officer continued, a brand new mercedes pulled up and a younger man hopped out. I noticed that he had the same “strut” as the officer in uniform and OF COURSE he introduced himself as an undercover.

Now, at this point I’m not even mad that this is going on. I’m more mad that my parents pay all these ridiculous taxes year after year so that undercover cops can drive around in 2013 Mercedes Benz’s.

Like, Seriously?

The uniformed officer explained to the undercover the “situation” (as they called it)…

The undercover began to tell me that he knew I had “weed” in my car, because he saw me buy a “blunt” at the store I was at earlier (remember the convenience store I stopped at?)

Now, for you “older” generations reading this apparently kids these days buy one of these to roll up a joint..

whiteowl

ANYWAY…

As I said earlier I had bought a few lollipops and an energy drink and most defiantly not a “blunt”…

So I explain to the undercover and the uniformed officer what was purchased in the store and that

EVEN IF I HAD BOUGHT A BLUNT IS IT ILLEGAL TO PURCHASE TOBACCO NOW?

 I wasn’t aware that the laws had changed over night…

By now you all should know… I have a mouth on me and it gets me into trouble from time to time. Both of the nosey officers did not like that so they proceed to explain that they are going to search my car…

NOW HERE’S SOME ISSUES WITH THAT:

1. The officer must ASK to search the vehicle, not demand that your vehicle be searched

but the even bigger issue was …

2. WHERE THE HELL IS THE PROBABLE CAUSE HERE?

illegal

So, being that I have nothing to hide… I  sign a few papers for the DICK HEAD undercover

(oops sorry didn’t mean to say that) 

 the paper work had a few statements such as, but not word for word:

1. you may stop the search at anytime

2. anything found in the vehicle you are responsible for

3. and a bunch of crap about finding weapons….

…like come on, do I look like somebody who is carrying around an AK47 in my car? No. Didn’t think so.

He also explained to me that there is a “new” law that was recently put into effect so that if anything illegal is found in my car I can go to jail for months, have my car impounded, and I would be kicked out of college.

Ummmmm….ya, that law doesn’t even exist. 

Also, I should remind you again that I was with my boyfriend. They had separated us from the beginning, which I understand is typical protocol for a search of a vehicle. Now, my boyfriend has the upper most respect for authority, but when he feels like he’s being violated…he’ll make sure you know that he feels that way. Before my car was searched, being that all the officers present were male they were not able to search me, but they did search my boyfriend… ALL OVER. In places I don’t even want to type … GAG

So as the undercover starts searching my vehicle my boyfriend walks over to me and tells me I’m an idiot for not wearing my seatbelt.

WAIT.

PAUSE.

WHAT?!

Now…my father got into a horrible car accident when I was younger and almost lost his life due to not wearing  a seatbelt, so I ALWAYS wear mine. It’s like automatic as soon as I get into my car.

I NEVER, EVER, EVER drive without my seatbelt on.

At this point I start to realize something isn’t right here… and I can feel a freak out coming on…

emmastone

So, I start screaming

“STOP THE SEARCH, STOP THE FUCKING SEARCH RIGHT NOW”

The little undercover cop walks (or should I say struts) over with a big smile on his face thinking I was going to admit to something to make his life easier.

WRONG SIR.

I kindly asked “I’m just wondering why did I get pulled over in the first place?”

The undercover literally started stuttering.. “Uh, well, uh, um, you didn’t have your seat belt on…”

You should know when I know I’m right…which I usually am…I will end up making you look dumb…

and he asked for it.

I replied, “No, I had my seatbelt on. I always wear my seatbelt…so that is a lie. You told me you that I was pulled over due to a purchase you “saw” me make”

The obviously corrupt undercover officer argued with me for a few minutes, until my boyfriend chimed in and said “you said that you pulled her over because she wasn’t wearing a seat belt…”

SO OBVIOUSLY SOMEBODY IS LYING HERE…

So I tell the corrupt undercover officer that if he is SO POSITIVE that I didn’t have my seat belt on and since he was SO CLOSE to the store that he saw me purchase a “blunt” then we should take a look at the little video camera in the police car.

Well surprise, surprise…

the uniformed officer that pulled me over just so happened to not have his camera on

…I agree, pretty convienent given the situation at hand.

I wish I could explain to you what I said next, but I basically blacked out and started screaming about how ridiculous and illegal this situation was…

keepcalm

So, I calmed myself due to the fact that it would be really embarrassing to get arrested for screaming at a police officer. I mean if I am going to get arrested I would’ve liked to had a better story, something with more substance other than me just screaming “liar liar pants on fire” to the officers.

So at this point the corrupt undercover officer SCREAMS at my boyfriend and I to get back in my vehicle…and we’re both just sitting in my car totally clueless as to WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

As I sat back down in my car I just couldn’t even fathom how unreal this whole situation was…

so naturally…I waited for Ashton Kutcher to come out

punkd

… but he didn’t. Instead the uniformed police officer walked up to my window handed me back my belongings and with all seriousness said …

“Next time…just don’t let him search your car”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I WAS GIVEN A CHOICE ASSHOLE.

So, what do I wish I knew then that I know now…

I Know Now…

Don’t buy lollipops or soda at a convienience store, certain police officers are obviously blind and can’t tell the difference between tobacco, a piece of candy and a drink….

It was like the Travyon Martin case except that I’m white, a girl, and I didn’t buy skittles…

I bought a lollipop.

Shit. I’m gonna get hate mail for that, but it’s the same type of situation. I was profiled. 

I Know Now…

Not all cops are good cops. I mean obviously we’ve all heard the stories of the corrupt police officers, but a small amount of them for some reason believe that they are the law of the land. They are there to enforce the law, not make up new versions of the law to trick citizens.

I Know Now…

KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!

I can’t stress this enough…If I had known even just a few basic laws

most of this situation wouldn’t have happened…

I mean at the very least…watch Legally Blonde and learn some shit

legally blonde

“What I Know Now” about Political Debates

Political Debate Edition

What I Know Now…

Political debates are fun, but the people in attendance are not.

senate debate

This requires a quick story to explain my new gained knowledge on political debates…

So, I volunteered for my honor society at the senate debate last Wednesday involving

Cory Booker (NJ-D)  and Steve Lonegan (NJ-R)

I was briefed on the rules and etiquette of a political debate beforehand.

One of which is not permitting anyone in the audience to wear material that supports or opposes either candidate.

(I italicized that because its important … in case you didn’t catch my drift)

With that being said, as I sat down I noticed two (teenage) boys had managed to get into the debate with tshirts on supporting a specific candidate (of whom I won’t mention so that as you read this there is no bias).

I POLITELY (key word: politely) asked the two teenage boys to remove their shirts for the duration of the debate.

There were please and thank-you’s involved and even a “sorry for the inconvenience” mention was included.

As soon as the words left my mouth a group of older (mid forties) men and women looked at me like I was the spawn of Satan and ignorantly asked, “Do you work here or something?”

Hm, “Do I work here or something?”…  Belittling question, I agree.

So, instead of stooping down to the ignorance of these audience members, I held up my badge (pictured above), grinned, and quietly sat down. That was that.

…OR SO I THOUGHT…

The debate starts and everything went great. It was an exciting educational experience with lots of very important people in attendance (yes, I brought my business cards this time…).

Once the debate ended I began to grab my belongings and felt a slight tug at my blouse from behind me.

I turned around to see one of the women glaring at me the same way my mother glared at George W. Bush supporters. Her finger was already pointed at me as if she was ready to blame me for the shutdown of our government and I’m 100% positive I saw steam coming out of her ears (okay, okay, So I’m exaggerating there just a bit, but if it was biologically possible for steam to come out of her ears … there would have been steam coming out of her ears).

Before I could even yell, “HELP I’M BEING PHYSICALLY ATTACKED BY A CRAZY WOMEN”, she promptly asked me,

“I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name earlier when you held up your little  badge.”

Except, she wasn’t sorry. She was cocky.

and here is the one part where the crazy lady is right: my name wasn’t even on the badge.

Now, before I tell you what happens next I should tell you (if you haven’t figured this out already) I am overly sarcastic and sometimes people just don’t understand my sarcasm, nor think it’s as hilarious as I do.

With that being said, I replied “Why do you need my name, don’t you have your own?”

senator meme

(I know, I know, hilarious!)

Crazy lady did not like this. She stuck her skinny little pointer finger in my face and told me that she thought I was rude.

This is the part of the story where I get completely confused and I’m sure you will as well.

“How was I rude ma’am? I kindly asked the young boys to remove the shirts and thanked them after doing so. I apologize if you feel that way, but in no way, shape, or form did I intend to come off as rude.”

WELL, WELL, WELL, crazy lady didn’t know what to say to that so instead she decided to start using some profanity…

“YOU STUPID BITCH, SHUT UP!”

Now mind you..I’m here at my University, representing my school, here for an educational experience and crazy lady over here is just ruining everything for me OVER A DAMN T-SHIRT.

YES PEOPLE, AGAIN, THIS IS OVER A T-SHIRT! 

So I felt the need to ask her, “Ma’am” (because the name crazy lady didn’t come to me until later on that evening after I digested what had happened), do you see any other people in attendance with t-shirts or posters supporting their political party..no you don’t, because I helped usher people into the auditorium and I personally made sure that everyone was following protocol.”

Well, crazy lady did not like that. Crazy lady told me that it is a part of our Second Amendment right (that’s the one about gun control) that allows her to wear her shirt if she pleases. Actually, crazy lady it’s your First Amendment, but it’s ok I figured you weren’t educated properly anyway considering you can’t even follow the proper etiquette of a debate. This was followed by more of  her profanity and her explanation on how I’m, “Never going to go anywhere in life.” I quickly yelled for the police (standing in ear shot) , asked for her to be removed, and to be shown where the free speech zone was located outside.

senator debate

Agreed Mr. Ron Burgundy, Agreed.

So what do I wish I knew then that I know now … A LOT.

What I know now

always say please and thank you.

It will help you prove a point later.

What I know now

Always ask for a badge.

It shows authority and makes people shut up.

What I know now

not everyone understands sarcasm …

especially hardcore crazy lady Republicans.

(oops, did I just say that?)

What I know now

certain people hold their t-shirts in very high regards.

lonegan

the t-shirt reads: “The Second Amendment Protects the First Amendment”

this must have been where crazy lady got her amendments mixed up …

What I know now …

don’t ever stoop down to crazy negative people’s levels. 

This is important not just in this situation but in life. Every time I stoop down to someone else’s level I never end up looking like the intelligent one or feeling like the winner winner chicken dinner. Keep your composure, your wits, and your mouth in tact. Crazy lady wanted to make me feel small. She wanted to make me feel unimportant. She wanted to make me feel like my job or education was in jeopardy.

I have to say Eleanor Roosevelt was on point.

roosevelt