It’s been awhile. I know. Whatever. Get over it.
I havent slept in 3 days… I think it’s Wednesday?
Today is my last college class. EVER.
Yup — I actually pulled this shit show off.
Ok. I need to study or some shit I guess
This really only applies to people who aren’t boring.
It was really great to see forty notifications on LinkedIn about your latest promotion (Because we care?)
& OH, I ALMOST FORGOT! Congrats on the updated Facebook relationship status!
I’m sure you and your cat will be very happy together….
You’ll begin to start questioning life right after you turn twenty-one. It will blindside you on a random Wednesday & you’ll think back to when you read this and say, “Shit. She was right…” Yeah, well guess what? I’m always right.
There will be bills you must pay, obligations must keep & decisions you must make.
WORDS OF ADVICE: Verizon, Comcast, AMEX, nor Visa….
Will give two, three, or even four shits…that you “HAD TO HAVE” the new Google Glass…
Sort’ve like when you were little and your mom would threaten you with,
“If you break it, you buy it”
Here is the adult version your mother never happened to mention:
“If you charge it, YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR IT LATER”
There are also these things called: APR, Interest, & Late Fee’s… Just as they sound, they are no fun.
Things may seem like they are starting to make sense .. and then they don’t & shit gets even more confusing than it was in the first place. Around this same time you’ll probably start to wonder about your character, morals & beliefs:
It gets better. Well, at least I hope it does. If I figure it out before you — I’ll make sure to mention it..
In the blink of an eye you’ll go from uploading pictures of you & your 8 million “best friends” …
…To unfollowing those exact same people five years later. Mostly due to the fact that they posted 40 pictures IN A ROW of their newborn, alien baby & they continuously feel the need to use the hashtag “#babymama” like it’s a good thing…
Oh, and don’t even get me started on all the engagements. Maybe it’s just me, but I’d rather wait until my fiancé can afford the ring I want, than him surprising me with a princess-cut cubic zirconia “diamond” from Walmart. I see this sad and unfortunate scenario play out daily as I scroll down my Instagram feed…
… and then I scroll back up to delete you.
If your engagement ring is that tacky, I do NOT want to see what the wedding will look like…
If you have your shit together, you’re probably out of college by now, working your first job, getting paid like shit & still eating Ramon noodles. This may be where you return back to #1 (What is Life?) and ask yourself how did four years of suffering result in becoming more poor than you were to begin with?
You’re so poor even the bank even feels the need to remind you. Not only are you completely broke, but the NOTHING somehow turns into something…
“Hello, Welcome to Wells Fargo Bank. Just to let you know you’re -23.00 in your checking. How would you like to fix this?”
Yes, I know. I am very well aware, considering you feel the need to remind me by sending out a letter everyday. Maybe if you would stop sending me mail we could call it even on the $23.00.
I’d save you a fortune on ink, envelopes, and postage.
You may tell yourself, “No, No, No… that ‘s only people who don’t watch their finances!”
Yeah? Really? I watch mine…
I swear my body knew when I turned twenty-four. I drank my face off, did some fucked up – reckless shit, woke up the next morning & legit had the worst hangover of my life. I’m not just talking about my head or my stomach…I’m talking about my whole body. It was crying, whimpering & sulking… I should’ve responded back with: “the hospital…”
Yes. That was a serious question a girl asked in my class.
The course largely consists of underclassmen, who were born in or around 1995-1996, but grew up in the new millennium. Of course, I did as well, but I also REMEMBER things from the 90’s…like what life was like before Wikipedia…
I feel like this is the appropriate time to pay my respects to Google, Wikipedia, and the like, for making life a whole lot easier, but even more importantly…
“Yahoo Answers,” the single, most important reason I’m still in college & still passing.
At the very sound of my professor saying the word, “Encyclopedia”, half the class looked even more puzzled than a baby recognizing its own foot for the first time…
Although, I don’t think any story I tell you can beat the freshman girl who was completely beside herself as I explained how Justin Timberlake had been in a boy band & wore a matching denim outfit with Britney before he wore a matching suite & tie with Jay-Z
So, twenty-four should be interesting. I mean, shit, the past 24 hours I have been pretttttty interesting.
I don’t know what the hell is going to happen with my life. At the rate I’m going I could either wake up tomorrow morning as Beyonce…
…Or I could wake up as Lindsay Lohan.
If I get to choose, it would be LL circa 2004…
Those were the pre-drug-fueled-ankle-bracelet-wearing days.
What you should know about the college application process! I’ve been through this too many times to count over the past few years & this post shares some great tips!
I may add though: set all your personal social media to private. Admissions doesn’t need to know about the two wine coolers you chugged last weekend that got you “soooooooo wastedddddd.”
Hello fellow high schoolers, middle schoolers and late bloomers alike,
I’m here with a new series for y’all called: College Confusion Clarified (As you may have notice)
I’m here to help you, help yourself through the most confusing time ever. Whether you are in the time crunch of getting those app’s in by January (which is right around the corner so message me with any immediate help! info will be at the end!) or you still have some time, this series is for you!
Not to toot my own horn, but I’m 4 for 4 in the application process! I’ve been accepted into Le Moyne, Saint Joseph’s, Fairfield and Mercyhurst, all with scholarships! *END BRAG SHESH*
This first post is going to be about the essay. The dreaded common app essay.
If you can, you will want to get it done as early as possible. But if you are…
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