It’s been awhile. I know. Whatever. Get over it.
I havent slept in 3 days… I think it’s Wednesday?
Today is my last college class. EVER.
Yup — I actually pulled this shit show off.
Ok. I need to study or some shit I guess
So naturally I shared it on my Facebook page and people started commenting, because all the things mentioned were so damn relatable..not just with my life, but almost everybody else’s. Heres the thing though: I felt like some of these original points made were a little “cutesy”…some of them seemed like quotes pulled from a pintrest page. So I decided to make some adjustments, because we all have things we know now that we wish we knew at eighteen…
1. Boys will break your heart. Let them. Learn from it.
This doesn’t stop after 18 either. Oh, and girls can break boys hearts as well. But, really…who cares? Get dressed, go out, take a shot (or eight), and dance ALL night with your best friends. It’s the cure to a breakup…seriously. Trust me.
2. It’s so easy to become jaded, but don’t let it happen to you. Fight it.
Fight anything that is normal. Everyone is jaded, don’t be that person.
3. Stand firm in your beliefs.
…But allow yourself to grow and change your beliefs. Example: you might seriously believe that Von Dutch trucker hats are going to be cool forever when your eighteen, but they aren’t. Now you have to accept that fact every time you click through all your Facebook pictures….
4. Love yourself. Sometimes you’re all you have.
I know there’s a corny saying out there that goes something like: “You can’t love anyone unless you love yourself” & it’s totally NOT true, but you are WAY happier when you love yourself AND when you can laugh at yourself.
5. Cherish the little things.
Seriously…like sleeping really late without feeling guilty or having no serious responsibilities other than finding out where the party is at tonight. One day you’ll have so much stupid shit to get done in one day you can’t even say the word “sleep” and your responsibilities include working on a Friday and paying bills that are in your name.
6. Order pizza at 3am on a Tuesday. It won’t kill you.
I really can’t say anything here. I know I’m skinny…but seriously just order pizza at anytime or any day. Everyone is sick of hearing how you think your fat (when you really aren’t) and we all know your just going to eat a ton of shit later … alone … when everyone is gone so that you don’t think we’re judging you (which we weren’t in the first place)
7. It’s okay to laugh at yourself. Embrace the imperfections.
Once you learn how to do this your life is way better. I’m still trying to perfect this 100%
8. You are the rule, not the exception. Life will be so much easier if you accept this now.
We’ve all seen “He’s just not that into you” (if you haven’t GO WATCH IT NOW) and it is pretty accurate. When you want to be the exception, you are the rule and when you want to be the rule, you are the exception. It’s life’s fucked up way of screwing us over. Now, with that being said…pretty people get away with more. So, in that case if you are pretty you are always the exception and that is a rule.
9. Make mistakes. If you learn from them, they won’t be in vain.
This sounds like a line from YOLO by Drake. But seriously…when your young make mistakes. They become harder to justify as you get older. You have a valid excuse at 18…you’re young and dumb. DUH!
10. He’s lying, there is no fish tank. Go anyway.
There’s never a fish tank, a movie, cookies, a “ton of people” … I mean the list can go on, but if there is a fish tank ..leave. Who has fish anymore? If there are cookies…stay. What guy actually has food in his apartment? ONE YOU BETTER KEEP TALKING TO, THATS WHO!
11. Classes can be retaken. Life cannot.
I’m going to agree to disagree on this one. GO TO CLASS. It is impossible to fail a class if you just go. Get your hungover ass up, throw on some sweatpants & a sweatshirt and get that attendance Wanna know why? Because if you have to keep retaking classes you’ll be in college ’til when your twenty-five and you still won’t have a life, because it revolves around school. #BOOM
12. Sometimes it’s better to ask for forgiveness than for permission.
Ok, obviously this doesn’t go for everything. If your gonna use your parents American Express black card that has no limit….don’t ask! ARE YOU CRAZY THEY ARE GOING TO SAY NO! Just beg for forgiveness when the bill comes in and explain that your social status depended on it
13. The world is full of cynics – don’t become one.
bottom line: everyone hates a cynic, everyone wants to be liked, don’t be a cynic.
14. Stop calling him. Stop texting him. If he wanted you, he’d be there.
OH GOD YES. ok disclaimer first: Drunk texting is something completely different. It’s hilarious in the morning and you have a legit reason as to why you acted like an idiot: You took 20 shots of fireball..obviously.
HERE IS THE TRUTH AND THE RULE: If he wants to hangout with you, he’ll text you, but no guy just wants to “hangout”…. it isn’t in their vocabulary. Oh and god for fucking bid you call him .. DONT CALL HIM .. EVER. You’ll look like a psycho maniac … I mean who actually makes phone calls anymore?
15. Apologize when you’re wrong. Just suck up your pride and do it.
This. Sucks. So. Fucking. Bad. You gotta do what you gotta do sometimes….
Heres a piece of advice though: just don’t be wrong.
16. Bellybutton piercings are a bad idea. As are tattoos.
I can’t really talk. I still have a bellybutton ring & I have ONE tattoo (that I got when my parents went away RIGHT after I turned 18 (Surprise, Surprise) ..really Mom and Dad what did you think was gonna happen?) Piercings can be taken out. Tattoos can’t. Well, you can, but its super expensive and super painful. If your gonna get either one of these on your body just make sure they can be easily hidden, nobody wants to hire somebody who looks like they are in a gang.
17. No one is perfect. Stop being so hard on yourself.
Except for me. Hahaha, just kidding! You will never be perfect, just accept it now. I don’t care if you are Adriana Lima you are not perfect (Ok, I lied…Adriana Lima is perfect) & it’s not normal to be perfect in the first place. It actually sounds quite boring if you ask me…
18. Hug your friends. Cherish them. Hold them tight.
SERIOUSLY! I wish I known this at 18. I mean I had an idea, but after high school you change. Everyone changes. Also, people move…6,000 miles away. This is the last time in your life where everyone is together, in one place, at the same time, and nobody can leave. Well they can, but who wants to pick up and leave everything and everybody your senior year in high school? And with what money? Hug your friends and tell them you love them.
19. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh.
Two of the best feelings ever…
20. Step outside your comfort zone.
When you step outside of your comfort zone you will be the happiest you’ve been in your life. Go sky diving, ask him out on a date, join a club, study abroad, wear something crazy, dye your hair pink. You only have one life why be boring?
21. Order a glass of water with every drink. It’s not lame. It’s smart.
This is true especially when your taking shots of Jose Cuervo…
22. A bad hair day really won’t kill you.
Hmmmm, don’t really know about this one. I mean it won’t kill you OBVIOUSLY. My best advice would be to rock the sock bun & wear a cute outfit. Obvi pick up an ice coffee and throw on some make-up. I promise…you’ll feel better.
23. Dancing on tables should be reserved for special occasions, like birthdays and Thursday nights.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Dance on tables as often as you can for as long as you can. Just make sure you’re not too drunk that you fall down or that your dress isn’t so short that everyone can see what color underwear you’re wearing….
24. Don’t dumb yourself down for a boy.
Who ever said that boys love stupid girls? I don’t think that was ever a real thing. What guy wants to be with a dumb girl you ask? A really dumb guy. Smart is sexy & if he is turned off by this … it’s probably because he’s “really really dumb” (in the words of the bed intruder dude)
25. Ignorance is not bliss. Study. Work hard.
I think this goes without saying. Even though i’m the biggest procrastinator ever!
Bottom line is: if you work hard..you can play harder!
26. Life is hard. Accept this and move on.
Life is never easy. Not even for Kim fucking-ugly-ass Kardashian. When was anything ever easy? If it is easy it’s not even worth it.
27. Don’t sweat the small stuff, but do sweat at the gym. Your health is your everything.
Yeah you look great at 18, but that doesn’t last. Just like your destroyed laguna beach skinny jeans from Hollister. They too will fall apart my friend. If you don’t go to the gym not only will these jeans look shitty and out of style (even though you’ll probably still wear them anyway), but you’ll also have a muffin top. Nobody likes a muffin top … unless it’s a real muffin…from Dunkin’.
28. Tell your parents you love them every chance you get.
The more I told my parents I loved them, the more money they gave me. Just saying….
29. Stop caring so much about what everyone else thinks.
I can sum this up pretty simply: STOP GIVING A FUCK. Period. In five years nobody is going to care anyway, so why care now? Don’t. It’s seriously the biggest energy and time waster ever. Focus on caring about something more important…like what guy your making out with tonight.
30. Forgive. Life is too short to be angry.
You’re either the person who doesn’t hold grudges or the person who holds them for ten fucking years. Here’s a little piece of advice: Forgive, but don’t forget. Especially if that bitch made out with the guy you called dibbs on….
31. You are destined to be more than just someone’s wife. Act like it.
Girls, Girls, Girls….being a housewife isn’t fun. You know what’s fun? Getting a job and making yourself a billionaire. If you find a husband along the way..kudos to you, but you’re not an animal, so don’t let him lock you in a cage. Do something with your life, because being a wife is not “doing something” it’s “being something”….
32. People will hurt you. Don’t stoop to their level.
I’ve written about this before. People love to bring you down to their level, but here’s the fun part. Let them try. Just sit back and laugh at them, you’re better than that anyway.
33. Read a newspaper.
…Online. Don’t buy a newspaper… that is so 1998.
34. Sometimes the only person that you can rely on is yourself.
And that is totally ok. Learn to be independent. If you can’t learn to be independent … Adopt a cat.
35. It’s okay if your thighs touch and your tummy isn’t perfectly toned. You’re still beautiful.
Lets make a disclaimer her first. I like to be brutally honest. It most definitely is ok to have your thighs touch (SERIOUSLY…THIGH GAP? IS THAT A REAL THING?!) and you tummy doesn’t need to be perfectly toned (You’re not a Victoriecret super model, even though we all wish we were), but I will refuse to call you beautiful if your stuffing yourself with taco bell and a bunch of other crap and then cry about how you think your fat. Sorry. I won’t feel bad. You are the reason for your insecurities. Plus, having taco breath is not beautiful.
36. Don’t let your happiness depend on another person.
I’ve learned this the hard way. But really, think about it. Why would you allow someone else to make or break your day? How stupid is that?! Pretty stupid I agree. Nobody likes stupid people. Let your happiness depend on you. You are the only one who can control your emotions, don’t let someone else control them for you.
37. Push yourself. You’d be amazed at what you’re capable of.
This is the main reason I’m even in college. I wanted to give up three years ago, but what makes more sense: Suffering for four years or for the rest of your life? Four years sounds like the better bet. Always push yourself, if you don’t…what is the point of doing anything meaningful at all in life? Again, nothing is ever easy.
38. Smile through the tears.
This is totally cliche and sounds like something in cosmo magazine. Who smiles through their tears. I say spend a whole night bawling your fucking eyes out with all your girlfriends. You’ll feel better in the morning, if not, repeat until you do. Just make sure you don’t eat too much pizza.
39. Don’t slut shame. Girls have it hard enough – don’t turn on one another.
We’re all on the same team girls! Who cares if she fucked him last night? You mad cause you wanted to as well? Well bitch beat you to it…Don’t get mad cause she got some and you didn’t. Onto the next one ….
40. It’s okay to ask for help.
If you don’t ask, you’ll never know. There will always be somebody who is willing to help, even if you don’t expect it….
41. He’ll never change. Let him go.
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, so why are you wasting your time? In the mean time you could have already found something better, smarter & bigger…
(don’t even….you were all thinking it, I just said it first)
42. Trust your instincts.
If it sounds too good to be true it probably is….like the one time VISA called me and told me I was approved for a new credit card (they go after college students by the way) and then I found out there was a annual fee of 200$….
Yea…about that …..
43. Worrying causes wrinkles and Botox is expensive. Calm down.
So does smoking, tanning, and not sleeping. Get a job and you can afford Botox, but until then chill the fuck out guys.
44. Take pictures. Lots and lots of pictures.
Just don’t be that annoying person that has to take a pic of EVERYTHING. Honestly though, take as many pictures as possible, this way when your older you can reminisce on how skinny and beautiful you were. You will also have proof for your future children that you were stylish and cool at one point. Oh and of course…
Take a ton of pics so you have more options to look through when you choose a #tbt
45. Love with everything you have.
Hmmmm. Don’t take it over the edge, but yeah. Love everything and everybody. It is so much easier to love than it is to hate. Also people don’t like Negative Nancy’s…
46. Put down your phone and look around. Life is happening.
…Or just look around through the camera on your iPhone. Just kidding. Seriously though, these are the best years of your life. Don’t just look at it in pictures. Live your life in real time. That’s what makes an experience. Plus, you can always just tweet about it later anyway…
47. Stand up for yourself.
Personally, I think this is the most important one. If you can’t stand up for your own self, nobody else will either. Don’t be a little bitch. Nobody likes a push over, so stick up and stand up.
48. Confidence is everything.
Girls: Theres a VERY thin line between confidence and cockiness….
Boys: Confidence is totally sexy. If you act like a little bitch, we refer to you as the “little bitch”…
49. Wash your makeup off at night. Seriously. Do it.
….And I’d also like to add to this: Don’t wear so much makeup that you earn the name “cake face” or have people wondering if you work for Crayola.
50. There are bad people in this world. Don’t be one of them.
…Unless you look good in the color orange or black and white stripes.
51. Be honest with yourself.
Honesty is the key when it comes to yourself. You can lie to everyone else, but at the end of the day you are the one who knows the truth.
If you know you fucked up .. own it.
If you know you are awesome..own it.
Just don’t lie to yourself about it.
52. Be honest with others.
….To a certain extent. If your bestfriend gained twenty pounds over winter break, tell her. If your bestfriend’s boyfriend just broke up with her, don’t tell her that he broke up with her because you accidentally hooked up with him the other night. You should eventually tell her that … but over
53. You never need that last shot of vodka, but have it anyway.
Here’s something for your stick in your juice box and suck down: never turn down the last shot. It’s usually what makes you forget that you drunk texted you ex 42 times without him responding once.
54. There is a man out there who will not make you cry. Wait for him.
There is a key to this: Buy expensive mascara and you will never cry over a guy again.
55. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Oh god yes. People who take themselves too seriously are usually seriously boring. Who likes boring? Your parents and the librarian. I’m sure you don’t plan on being friends with either at 18 years old.
56. Your success will not be handed to you. Work for it.
Nobody is going to apply to college for you, find you an internship, and get you a job. We all have our own responsibilities. Success is much sweeter anyway when you worked your ass off for it …
57. Don’t waste money on expensive mascaras. Great Lash by Maybelline will always be the best.
Reread number 54. Great lash by Maybelline is for basic bitches who don’t know anything about mascara. The falsies is great if your a drug store make-up kinda gal, Guerlain Noir G Mascara is fucking unbelievable if you have the extra cash….or should I say if you have your daddy’s credit card
58. Give back.
When I was younger I didn’t give a shit about anybody and it’s super easy to be selfish, but once I got to college and it was necessary for me volunteer or “give back” I started realizing that it’s fulfilling. I mean really nott everybody has it as good as us. Give something…a can of food, bottled water, maybe if your feeling extra generous: Your designer clothes from last season that you won’t wear again anyway, because you “Already wore that outfit out….”
59. He does not define your self-worth. Stop letting him.
If any guy or girl makes you feel shitty, they are the shitty ones…not you. Dispose of these toxic people quickly and go look at all the pictures on your instgram where you look really really pretty and super skinny. You’ll feel better in no time…
60. Life is uncertain. Tomorrow is not guaranteed; don’t take it for granted.
Exactly. Who knows you may wake up tomorrow and Forever 21 may be bankrupt and closed forever.
I kid, I kid….sort of.
61. Your faith in everything you know will be tested. Push forward.
You may think that you’ve found the one boy left in the world who is faithful to his girlfriend, but then you find out he fucked your best friend. Now you think that all boys are disgusting liars, but move on, push forward..your faith in boys will be restored next weekend when you find the next guy who tells you your beautiful while you throw back a shot …. sorry, not sorry, its only the truth.
62. Be carefree, not careless.
There’s a thin line here. Being carefree is when you don’t care that you look like a slut or a man whore…you got yours and thats what matters. Careless is when you find out you have STD’s.
Know the difference.
63. It’s okay to cry.
..Only if its not expensive mascara. No, but really, its fine to cry but try to do this by yourself, with your best friends, or in front of your parents. Don’t have a breakdown in front of the guy you met at the party or your lab partner. You will look like a emotional wreck and people WILL be scared of you.
64. You will fall, both literally and figuratively. Get back up.
Either way laugh. If you fall literally get a band-aide and get the hell back up! If you fall figuratively theres a band-aide for that as well…Its called wine. It comes in a box. Enjoy!
65. Tequila is a bad idea, as is getting back together with an ex.
Ok, getting back together with an ex is always a bad idea. Tequila is not. Tequila is always a great idea. Unless your with an ex boyfriend drinking tequila…then it is a terrible idea. Just don’t do it….
66. Fad diets never work.
Neither does eating lean cuisine. They’re full of sodium & preservatives. Seriously though, I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of this place before, but it’s called a gym…you can buy a membership and they let you actually work out and that can help you loose weight! It’s a crazy idea I know, but maybe instead of following the Atkins Diet for the 8th time you should find this “gym” place.
67. Be gracious in all that you do.
What is this 1950? Gracious? I think you should have fun in all that you do. Being 18 is a crazy, nuts, insane, ridiculousness experience that you only live through once. You’ll hate it so much you’ll never want to do it again (even if you had a time machine), but you’ll love it so much you wish you could do it all over again …. just this time knowing what you know now.
Leave me comment or write me an email (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Maybe I will post it next week or use it as some inspiration for a new post!