What I Know Now…Laws In America

I’ve had my share of “what I know now…” moments this but but,

Being that it is election week…

merica

I felt this entry was appropriate.

My boyfriend and I were heading up to school on a Friday night to study with one of my friends…

yes you read that right. I was studying…on a Friday.

ONLY because we had plans Saturday night and I wanted to have a good time “guilt-free”…

I had stopped at little corner store in town before we left and grabbed a few lollipops and an energy drink to give myself a severe sugar rush, so I could somehow manage to teach myself all 88 constellationswhich by the way is near close to impossible…incase you were wondering.

I started heading out of my town and I happen to glance in my rearview mirror

to see that there’s a police officer behind me…

Now…I don’t know about anyone else, but anytime a cop is following me I feel like I either have one of the following in my car:

a dead body

or

massive amounts of crack …

So, naturally I get nervous, but my boyfriend reassured me there was no way I was getting pulled over, because I had done NOTHING wrong.

The light turns green

…and the cops lights go on.

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

I grab my registration and insurance (the usual stuff they ask for) and wait for the officer to walk up to my car. At this point I’m convinced he must have seen how ridiculously good looking I was (considering he was riding my ass the whole time down the road)  and was pulling me over for my telephone number.

zoolander

The officer walks up to my window and starts his  small talk. Anyone under the age of twenty-five should know what I mean what I say this …

Officer: Hey how’s it goin’

Me: uh (awkward) alright I’m just about to go up to school to study…

Now, I guess I should’ve known that probably sounded shady, because what college student studies on a friday? I’ll tell you who…a college student who wants to get wasted Saturday and doesn’t want to spend all day doing homework on a Sunday hung-the-fuck-over.

We’ve all been there, done that, and it’s the equivalent to water torture. 

ANYWAY.

The officer asks if I have any warrants and of course I say no. I’ve never even had a traffic ticket. In my life. EVER. I was pretty positive he was going to write me a little warning with his number on the back with a wink face and a little message that says “call me”…

well, well well, that was not the case…

Small talk police officer struts back to my car and asks me to step out of the vehicle.

… LIKE WHAT?! STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE, FOR WHAT?!

Now at this point I’m thinking, “Shit, I must have a taillight out…”

Now pay attention because this is where things get even more shady

than sitting under an umbrella at the beach…

He brings me on the SIDE of his police car….

They are supposed to bring the person under question in front of the vehicle so that their little video camera can catch everything on tape.

The officer proceeds to tell me, not ASK ME, but tell me that my car smells like “weed”

…and what do I have to say about that?

question

I just stared at him for a second and said…

“you mean weed as in like something you pull out of your garden right?”

The officer did not find this funny. I mean that is a pretty objective statement. We all have different noses. Personally, I thought my car smelled like Burberry Britt (the best smelling perfume ever), but I digress…

Now this is where I need to make my disclaimer:

THERE WAS NO “WEED”, “POT”, “MARYJANE”, “GRASS”, “KUSH”, WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO CALL IT IN MY VEHICLE. 

As the conversation with the broken nosed officer continued, a brand new mercedes pulled up and a younger man hopped out. I noticed that he had the same “strut” as the officer in uniform and OF COURSE he introduced himself as an undercover.

Now, at this point I’m not even mad that this is going on. I’m more mad that my parents pay all these ridiculous taxes year after year so that undercover cops can drive around in 2013 Mercedes Benz’s.

Like, Seriously?

The uniformed officer explained to the undercover the “situation” (as they called it)…

The undercover began to tell me that he knew I had “weed” in my car, because he saw me buy a “blunt” at the store I was at earlier (remember the convenience store I stopped at?)

Now, for you “older” generations reading this apparently kids these days buy one of these to roll up a joint..

whiteowl

ANYWAY…

As I said earlier I had bought a few lollipops and an energy drink and most defiantly not a “blunt”…

So I explain to the undercover and the uniformed officer what was purchased in the store and that

EVEN IF I HAD BOUGHT A BLUNT IS IT ILLEGAL TO PURCHASE TOBACCO NOW?

 I wasn’t aware that the laws had changed over night…

By now you all should know… I have a mouth on me and it gets me into trouble from time to time. Both of the nosey officers did not like that so they proceed to explain that they are going to search my car…

NOW HERE’S SOME ISSUES WITH THAT:

1. The officer must ASK to search the vehicle, not demand that your vehicle be searched

but the even bigger issue was …

2. WHERE THE HELL IS THE PROBABLE CAUSE HERE?

illegal

So, being that I have nothing to hide… I  sign a few papers for the DICK HEAD undercover

(oops sorry didn’t mean to say that) 

 the paper work had a few statements such as, but not word for word:

1. you may stop the search at anytime

2. anything found in the vehicle you are responsible for

3. and a bunch of crap about finding weapons….

…like come on, do I look like somebody who is carrying around an AK47 in my car? No. Didn’t think so.

He also explained to me that there is a “new” law that was recently put into effect so that if anything illegal is found in my car I can go to jail for months, have my car impounded, and I would be kicked out of college.

Ummmmm….ya, that law doesn’t even exist. 

Also, I should remind you again that I was with my boyfriend. They had separated us from the beginning, which I understand is typical protocol for a search of a vehicle. Now, my boyfriend has the upper most respect for authority, but when he feels like he’s being violated…he’ll make sure you know that he feels that way. Before my car was searched, being that all the officers present were male they were not able to search me, but they did search my boyfriend… ALL OVER. In places I don’t even want to type … GAG

So as the undercover starts searching my vehicle my boyfriend walks over to me and tells me I’m an idiot for not wearing my seatbelt.

WAIT.

PAUSE.

WHAT?!

Now…my father got into a horrible car accident when I was younger and almost lost his life due to not wearing  a seatbelt, so I ALWAYS wear mine. It’s like automatic as soon as I get into my car.

I NEVER, EVER, EVER drive without my seatbelt on.

At this point I start to realize something isn’t right here… and I can feel a freak out coming on…

emmastone

So, I start screaming

“STOP THE SEARCH, STOP THE FUCKING SEARCH RIGHT NOW”

The little undercover cop walks (or should I say struts) over with a big smile on his face thinking I was going to admit to something to make his life easier.

WRONG SIR.

I kindly asked “I’m just wondering why did I get pulled over in the first place?”

The undercover literally started stuttering.. “Uh, well, uh, um, you didn’t have your seat belt on…”

You should know when I know I’m right…which I usually am…I will end up making you look dumb…

and he asked for it.

I replied, “No, I had my seatbelt on. I always wear my seatbelt…so that is a lie. You told me you that I was pulled over due to a purchase you “saw” me make”

The obviously corrupt undercover officer argued with me for a few minutes, until my boyfriend chimed in and said “you said that you pulled her over because she wasn’t wearing a seat belt…”

SO OBVIOUSLY SOMEBODY IS LYING HERE…

So I tell the corrupt undercover officer that if he is SO POSITIVE that I didn’t have my seat belt on and since he was SO CLOSE to the store that he saw me purchase a “blunt” then we should take a look at the little video camera in the police car.

Well surprise, surprise…

the uniformed officer that pulled me over just so happened to not have his camera on

…I agree, pretty convienent given the situation at hand.

I wish I could explain to you what I said next, but I basically blacked out and started screaming about how ridiculous and illegal this situation was…

keepcalm

So, I calmed myself due to the fact that it would be really embarrassing to get arrested for screaming at a police officer. I mean if I am going to get arrested I would’ve liked to had a better story, something with more substance other than me just screaming “liar liar pants on fire” to the officers.

So at this point the corrupt undercover officer SCREAMS at my boyfriend and I to get back in my vehicle…and we’re both just sitting in my car totally clueless as to WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

As I sat back down in my car I just couldn’t even fathom how unreal this whole situation was…

so naturally…I waited for Ashton Kutcher to come out

punkd

… but he didn’t. Instead the uniformed police officer walked up to my window handed me back my belongings and with all seriousness said …

“Next time…just don’t let him search your car”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I WAS GIVEN A CHOICE ASSHOLE.

So, what do I wish I knew then that I know now…

I Know Now…

Don’t buy lollipops or soda at a convienience store, certain police officers are obviously blind and can’t tell the difference between tobacco, a piece of candy and a drink….

It was like the Travyon Martin case except that I’m white, a girl, and I didn’t buy skittles…

I bought a lollipop.

Shit. I’m gonna get hate mail for that, but it’s the same type of situation. I was profiled. 

I Know Now…

Not all cops are good cops. I mean obviously we’ve all heard the stories of the corrupt police officers, but a small amount of them for some reason believe that they are the law of the land. They are there to enforce the law, not make up new versions of the law to trick citizens.

I Know Now…

KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!

I can’t stress this enough…If I had known even just a few basic laws

most of this situation wouldn’t have happened…

I mean at the very least…watch Legally Blonde and learn some shit

legally blonde

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2 thoughts on “What I Know Now…Laws In America

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