Strong, Like a Shot of Whiskey

This story starts just like any other: I was thirteen and my first boyfriend broke up with me, because I “came on too strong.” Tears rolled down my hot, red, cheeks, as my mother consoled me and explained, that one day, some man would love this quality in me — Just how my father had with her. Naturally, thirteen year-old me, cried harder, because, well, isn’t that what mothers are supposed to say?

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Over the past year, I’ve had to deal with not one, but two, pretty significant and life altering break-up’s. Both the men and the situations taught me a great deal, but this isn’t about me bashing them — It’s about what I’ve learned along the way. I enjoy sharing “lessons learned” and this time around, I feel what I know now, should be shared with as many people as it can possibly reach and maybe, just maybe, I’ll help another young girl who’s crying in her bed, late at night, because she feels… well, for the lack of better words, worthless.

Not to toot my own horn, but I don’t know another way to say it: I was blessed with a pretty face, beautiful hair, big blue eyes, etc, etc..

  

That’s me on my first day of high school — 2004

As a teenager, I was friends with the boys, but never really attracted many of them. They always told me, my personality was “too much to handle.

To clarify their statements, I will admit, I’m very outspoken and energetic. Even when it comes to friends, I am a very passionate and caring person, so I guess, that scared certain (almost all) guys away. Even up until my early college days, I always felt that I was just a pretty face. I never felt that guys took me seriously and when they did, my “strong” personality scared them away.

Within the past year, I have had two of the best relationships in my life, end. The first, was a long-term. After almost five years of dating, I chose to break things off and I immediately jumped into relationship number two — which lasted for less than a year. In the second relationship, we went through a series of breakups, but in the end, he broke up with me. Both of these ended terribly. I spent hours, days, and weeks, crying over the guys who were, ironically, no longer part of my life. I analyzed old text messages, viewed old photos, watched sad Lifetime movies… You know, typical girl sh*t. Then, about 2 weeks ago, I got into a terrible car accident that changed my life.

  

I suffered traumatic injuries: A punctured lung, broken nose, fractured skull, as well as fractures in several parts of my face, including behind my eye, a concussion, and the worst — my brain was bleeding. I woke up three days after the accident and couldn’t recall a single thing. Actually, I still don’t know what caused me to lose control of the car that night, but it definitely changed my outlook on life, especially in regards to the recent breakups, which I had still been suffering through up until the night of the accident.

I realized that had I, God-forbid, not made it out of the hospital alive, I would’ve passed away with bad blood. As I said, things ended badly with both relationships and many things went left unsaid or things were said, but out of anger. I realized that first, I wanted to reach out to bother the guys, letting them know I was alright. I wanted to, at the least, try to form a friendship with them both. To my surprise, one came to visit me in the hospital and we had the chance to REALLY talk. Mind you, I was heavily medicated, but it was sweet of him to listen and visit me, before I had even asked!

Although it took something horrific, I learned that sometimes people come into your life not to stay, but to teach you lessons — With the two guys in my story, maybe they came into my life to teach me what I want and what I don’t want, who knows? It’s too early to tell. Yet, I know they both taught me a lot about myself.

I learned that I needed to respect myself. I found myself consistently doing things for their happiness and not mine, yet I refused to admit I wasn’t happy… because I wasn’t. I love making others happy. It’s something that makes me smile. Although, I never seemed to get that in return, so I found that I wasn’t happy, because I was not giving myself the level of respect that I needed.

Not too long ago, I read a cheesy quote before that said something like:

You’ll receive the type of love that you think you deserve.


I think the same is true with respect. You will get the level of respect that you believe you deserve. It’s all about how you carry yourself and actions will ALWAYS speak louder than words, especially when it comes to relationships.

I consistently felt like I was changing myself to be who, both guys wanted me to be: Quiet, submissive, passive, etc.. None of that is me. I come on “too strong” and honestly, I’d much rather be thought of that way than the other.

I realized I don’t want to change for anyone anymore. I want to be Taylor. I had always been confident in who I was, so why had I let two guys, who were no longer in my life, rob me of that? 

Because I couldn’t accept that things were over. 

I needed to let go.

When I woke up in that hospital bed I was overcome with happiness to be alive and that was enough for me. I didn’t need any guy to do that for me. I realized I was able to do it all on my own. I decide that each morning, when I wake up and each night, when I lay down to sleep. No longer, do I wake up crying or fall asleep with tears running down my face. I smile, because I made it through another day — one more day that I can say I was alive.

One of the guys has walked back into my life and we will always have a relationship. He is somebody I hold very dear to my heart and I’m glad we had the chance to grow closer again. I didn’t hold it against either of them, when I offered friendship, if their response was no. Just as I have to respect myself, I have to also respect others.

Even though it took this horrific accident to make me really understand what it means when people say, “life is too short,” it also made me come to the conclusion, I should never cut people out. I will always welcome an invitation from others, who are kind, to be friends. You can never have enough friends, because never know when you might lose one. As I explained earlier, my belief: People are put in our lives for plenty of reasons, so why not fill your life with as many friends as you can to have them teach you as much as humanly possibly — be that good or bad — It’s all a lesson to learn.

Recently, I have had not one, but two men, tell me how they love that I “come on strong” and they enjoy my passionate personality — even when it comes to friendship. It made me a little emotional to hear both of them say this, because I’ve waited since I was thirteen: When my mom told me, as I cried into her shoulder, some day, some man, will love this quality about me and look at that — Two men told me, just that, within the past week!

Mothers are always right.

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Guest Blog Post

So, after last weeks …”67 Things I Wish I Knew At 18…” Somebody decided submit a 11 things she wish she knew about college that she knows now….

i love college

1. Never live with a best friend freshmen year of college.

I will forever kick myself for being too stubborn to listen to everyone when they said not to live with your best friend freshman year. Teachers, parents, other friends, strangers… I should have listened. I know some people whose freshman year living situations worked out fine but my experience was terrible. I lost a good friend because of it and created a lot of awkward moments for myself for the rest of my freshman year. Advice: You don’t know someone till you live with them… no matter how many sleepovers you’ve had. You’ll be left getting drunk with your friends crying over the letter she left on your bed about how she was leaving you.

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2. You’re first college boyfriend is just a stepping stone to bigger and better things.

 Do not get attached. I met my first boyfriend move in day and dated him until March. Freshman year is a time for you to experiment, put yourself out there. Figure out what you like and what you don’t. I went into college with this plan to meet the perfect guy the first day, date throughout college and then get married. NO. A thousand times NOOOO. Do not do this. This will lead to you trying to take a shit-ton of Advil to try to function and end up getting sent home from to class after he tells you he cheated on you and while he “loves” you he was never “in love” with you. But hell, it’s not like you had a heart anyway.

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3. Never apologize for being yourself.  

If you ask any of my friends they will probably tell you that I’m one of the weirdest people they have ever met. In high school being myself only brought me unwanted attention so I tried to be more All-American. I shopped at the same stores as everyone else, I never truly spoke my mind, I was a clone. When I got to college I was excited to be who ever the fuck I wanted to be. Honestly I’m still working on totally being myself, but once I figured out that people would like me no matter what I started getting rid of all my old clothes and wearing what I wanted to wear. I took on more and more leadership roles and I spoke my mind. Everyday I take a chance that I might offend someone by being who I am. The truth is there is no better feeling than not wearing a bra.

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4. Never cut your own bangs. 

This should be self-explanatory but… don’t do it. No matter how easy it seems. OR else.  However it will show you who your true friends are.
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5. Do not buy a pet rabbit.

They are awesome… until they eat your computer charger, shit on your bed, shed on all your black clothing, and eat your homework, and live for 10 years. The excuse my rabbit ate my painting apparently does not go over well.
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6. Never let yourself make up excuses as to why he isn’t there.

The biggest mistake I’ve repeatedly made when it comes to boys is that they don’t mean to be assholes. I hate that people think this way more so that I thought that way. A guy that truly wants to be with you will. He won’t leave you when you need him most to go hang out with other girls and he certainly won’t make you feel like you’re not worth his time. Cut those guys loose.  
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7. Do not go back to an ex.

There was a reason your relationship ended and no matter how many times you tell yourself you won’t catch any of those old feelings you will. It’s almost as if they are waiting for you to mess up so they can slap you in the face with some feelings pie.
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8. Always look your best, or at least somewhat presentable.

 When you look good, you feel good. Besides you never know who many be watching.
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9. Don’t just pin your life, make it happen.

 To many times I’ll look at something on pinterest and say, “Gee, doesn’t that look like fun?” And then never do anything about it. If you’re unhappy about something do something about it. I regret never looking into studying abroad and traveling with the school.
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10. As much as you might despise a person never be mean to them.

You’re going to run into a time when you’re going to need that person to help you out with something and people remember the people who hate them.
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11. Never say never. 

You never know where one crazy idea might lead. For me it was the opportunity to have over 100 subscribers on youtube, a freelance design company, and a decently visited blog. I never thought that anyone would care what I had to say and now after a year it’s become this cool unexplainable thing that I’m still trying to get a hold of.
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Check out her blog…
 
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What do you wish you knew about college that you know now?

Comment below or send us an email!

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